Realization

Who hasn’t heard this or something like it?  I’ll confess – I poo-pooed it.  Whatever.  Clearly I’m more of a Popeye follower – I yam who I yam.  Until.

 

There’s always an “until,” am I right?

 

Last night I went to a class that I don’t usually attend.  It’s a bit faster, a bit deeper, a bit more challenging.  Loved it.  Well, most of it. 

 

After we warmed up with some vigorous Sun Salutations we went into a standing pose sequence that asked us to hold each pose for a number of breaths.  In every case I came out of the poses early.  I felt like I was fighting the poses and ended up at Savasanna pretty stressed out (thank goodness for Savassana!).

 

On the way home (confession: during Savasanna) I couldn’t get this out of my head:  Why did I fall out of the poses?  “Fall out” is too passive.  There was no falling.  I left those poses.  Why?  I had no trouble getting in to them.  I held them for a couple of breaths pretty easily.  Then….

 

Hm.  It hit me – when the poses got challenging; when I got tired; when I got bored I quit.

 

When I got challenged, when I got tired, when I got bored I quit.

 

Uhhhhh….

 

I have known this about myself forever.  And recognized it, admitted to it, for years.  I’ve also lived in denial most of that time.  As I stood on my mat last night while everyone else was still in Warrior III there was no denying it.

 

They say that recognizing the issue is half of the solution.

 

I want to go back.  Rewind.  Do that class again.  And do it well.  Do it to the very best of my abilities.  I don’t want to give up on myself.  I won’t give up on myself again.